Turkey Time!: Video Games causing Broken Hands, Duke making the ACC look bad and “Friends” Calling the Fuzz …..

Let’s talk turkey. Turkey Time is 3 topics I find interesting, mixed with a few shots of wild turkey for me to grease the rails. Friends who know me personally tell me I need to be more of an asshole on this blog because it is still not quite “me”, I hope to make them proud.

The Layup: Joel Berry out a month after breaking his hand because he lost a video game to team mate Theo Pinson.

You can’t make this shit up. Well, you could but it’s so much better when it’s the real thing. A couple weeks after the NCAA realizes it’s a fucking house cat that has the equivalent disciplinary power of a high school guidance counselor, the program in question loses it’s best player for a month. A cynical person might call that karma. Still, a rather innocuous punishment for 18 years of cheating, UNC basically has to play without its star point guard for 1.5 days for every year they were a bunch of cheating pricks.

Apparently, Berry decided it would be a good idea to punch a wall after losing a video game to fellow Tar Heel senior Theo Pinson. Hey Theo, what’s up with that? Let the guy win, your season’s success in reliant on those hands bro.

If the month timeline is accurate, Berry should return on the day UNC heads to Silicon Valley to play a pretty good Stanford team.

 

The Free-Throw: Cameron Craziness dance is going to cause all kinds of posters

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Name a school that goes harder than Duke..I’ll wait

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So, hehe, last weekend the Duke Blue Devils had their annual Cameron Craziness kick-off which is what we are now calling what used to be Midnight Madness. Someone, presumably one of the players girlfriends, or possibly a UNC fan, suggested that the BMOC should come out to…..Everytime We Touch by Cascada? Really? No one stepped up and said “bruh?” Was there a pillow fight in pink nightgowns afterwards?

Jock jams man! People are going to be referencing that fucking ridiculousness for the next 18 years. I mean, I was talking to a UNC fan the other day at work and I forgave him for 18 years of academic fraud because we agreed that Duke just made the rest of the ACC look soft.

This is not how the boss of the conference is supposed to portray themselves. Give me some Texas Hippie Coalition, some Pantera, be Alphas, or at least pretend to be, bunch of soft ass motherfuckers. Where do you think you are? Chapel Hill?

From Deep: Expect the announcement of some suspensions by the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets in the next 24-48 hours.

So, in the day of social media stupidity, the meaning of the word “adult” is getting very blurry. Recently, Coach Josh Pastner turned 40 years old. A “friend” of Pastners had some custom t-shirts made up for the occasion that displayed some of CJP’s more common “Pastnerisms”, they were intended for the team, the coaches, Kenny Anderson and the creator of the shirt. Story goes, CJP’s assistant got a little sticky fingered, and snagged one for herself. Who gives a fuck, right? Wrong, the shirtman goes full millennial and starts bashing Pastner’s assistant on twitter over the course of a couple days. Still, no big deal, a couple pleasant GFY’s and we move on right? No no. Next comes accusations of a cover up, investigations, a bunch of “look at me, look at me” horse shit. This jackleg has apparently set up a couple members of the Georgia Tech team by presenting them each with a pair of customized sneakers, which they foolishly accepted, and then informed the NCAA about the transaction himself. This guy has (hopefully had) access to the team, he’s a supposed great friend of CJP, he tweets at the players frequently, Pastner allegedly once helped him in a rough time in his life. Now he is calling the NCAA at tattling on Pastner, soliciting contact from Colin Cowherd, telling people on twitter Pastner is a two faced blah blah blah. He even recently re-appropriated his dogs twitter account (Yeah, you read that correctly) to be used as a weapon against the Georgia Tech program. A few weeks ago, this mattress stain was offering me tickets to the Tennessee game, and was going to introduce me to Kenny Anderson. Now he’s an enemy of the state.

My assumption? Someone told this guy to simmer the fuck down after the assistant snagged the T-shirt, and there was some serious butthurt. Be a fucking man, this isn’t high school. Now, what could have been a promising season in Atlanta could take a hit if the announcement is that these players are to miss the UCLA game on opening night in China, and possibly deprive the Jackets of what could be a very valuable win. GT is taking the initiative and self reporting and suspending the two players. By self reporting GT is hoping not to be hit too hard by the NCAA, who is just foaming at the mouth looking for a program to blast after being exposed as a bunch of toothless suits with no real power in the UNC case.

Using kids to get back at a supposed friend over a fucking T-shirt. What a cunt.

 

I like this. Probably going to make this a weekly thing.

-Cone

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